The Wicked StepMonster and the Car…

A modern day fairie tale…or maybe tail…? Princess Crystal had no chariot. She had to rely on servants to shuttle her to and fro in her royal duties every day. One cold and stormy night…

Nevermind. Can’t do it. Crystal is very sweet and hard working, but not a Princess. OK, to us she is…that’s a whole other deal. But, Crystal didn’t have a car, and while she has no actual servants, she did have to rely on friends to take her, or else she would walk…at night…in a college town. Am I the ONLY one who watches CourtTV? No, I am not. Her father watches way too much of it too. Walking home from work at 11pm…4 miles…is NOT acceptable.

So…the search for a car we could afford began. Now, contrary to what certain vindictive ex’s may think, we are not rich. We have had various family members to help out and house and feed for the past 6-8 years…not to mention petty (but exceedingly expensive) court issues, and schooling costs of our own. So, while Steve makes decent money, me staying home to take care of Mom is looking like a thing of the quickly appproaching past.

Anyhow. The hunt was on. We needed to do it fast, because if we had waited even one day too many and something had happened to her, we would never be able to live with it.

Well, she knew we were shopping. I had been online looking for two nights running. She had been on the phone with me while I was surfing, so she had seen some of the ones we were looking at, but we went in person to look on Friday afternoon to see a couple of promising ones from the newspaper.

We would describe them to her…she’d look them up on the internet to see what they looked like. She would text back, “OH! That would be ok!” [Of course, anything would have been OK, because, in her own words - "I am in no position to be picky." Pretty smart for 18. Heh.] And then we’d text her to say, “Nope…that was a bust…”, because after seeing it we would decide it wasn’t as described, or the CarFax report was bad. She would be disappointed…for a second. But she’d cheer up and say, “OK, so what are you looking at now?”

So, some did not pan out. You know, “excellent condition” to some people is something different than what I would call it. I am not sure where they were looking when they said “excellent” about these cars, but…it was just how the search was going.

For example, one we went to see was owned by a college girl. Steve was all ready to buy it before we saw it, because she talked about how great this car was for her and she wouldn’t even be selling it but she was moving out of state, etc. What we saw when we got there, was an OK car. But. There was a huge scrape down the drivers side door…and a dent on the front left and the back right fenders AND the door lock on the driver door was broken, but the key fob worked. Ahem. Then she says, “And the air works, too!” and jumps in and takes the knob from the cup holder to turn it on. The knob had fallen off…and that’s where she kept it. In the cup holder. OK, then. Pass.

I dropped Steve off to work and went to look at some dealerships on Friday night. They all claim to have $2995 specials. Liars. So, I found nothing, but saw several used dealerships and got some info from one of the salesmen about which ones to check. During which? Crystal called me 4 times.

Steve and I got up early and went to breakfast Saturday, because we found out that none of the places was open yet. So we looked at the used car magazines and saw a few to check out. Made a plan. Crystal called before we ever got anywhere.

We knew we needed to get it done and had a day to do it. So we had to make tracks! We were in a hurry to find a car and get it done. Poor Crystal called and called and it was hilarious because Steve was fielding calls from her and I was talking to salesmen and taking calls from more salesmen we had left our number with…it was a riot. He’d tell her what we were looking at, and she’d look it up and then be dashed because it didn’t turn out to be nice on the inside…or the CarFax report said it was a garbage car.

Steve was saying to me, “Awwww, it’s like she’s here with us…” I was saying to her, “SWEETIE!! We are DOING IT! Go study!!”

So, on the phone he tells her about a white Elantra we found…I start dealing. We made a deal and Steve and I head to the bank to see about the loan. Pretty soon she is texting me…”Can I get excited about the Elantra yet?”

We were at the bank, waiting to see if she could get excited yet. Steve grins real big and says, “Tell her we got her a lime green Geo Metro!”

That started it. I want it on record. HE started it. I text’d her back.

“We are at the bloodbank selling our plasma for the down payment on a 1982 lime green Geo Metro…”

“…you can hardly see the rips in the seats with the beach towels, and the cat hair and cigar smoke are not noticable with the windows down…”

“…the cardboard in the driver door window comes out pretty easy, so you can use hand signals for the time being…”

“…is that a problem? We are hoping the bank will loan us $350 to cover the new tranny…”

Steve’s phone rang. “DADDY! Make her stop!! She’s scaring me!!”

Hey, they don’t call me “StepMonster” for nothing. Heh.

Here’s what she got:


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