I swear…there is nothing on TV to watch that you don’t hear about someone’s “junk”.
We have to see the commercials about men and their urinary problems, or worse. How many different drugs are there now to keep things down there, um…ready to roll? Who knew there was such a market for that anyhow? Are there that many guys in this country with borked junk?
Sure, sure…we’ve been hearing way more than I want to about female issues, too. Those women who talk to the little lady on the bathroom door need way more that something for urinary urgency. A good shrink or some anti-psychotics, maybe. And seriously, I am glad we are past pouring blue water into a pad on TV, but I really don’t get feel a need for a 1950′s style synchronized swimming number…especially when it has to do with birth control. Really? Gah.
And I know we have been subjected to more than anyone ever needs to know about John and Lorena Bobbett…something about having your junk cut off and thrown out of a moving vehicle that captures media attention.
But on Christmas Day 2009, one idiot topped them all. “The Nigerian”, as he was referred to by two terrorist planners in a communication overheard November by CIA agents, tried to blow up a plane headed into Detroit. How? Well, I am glad you asked. This guy made his UNDERWEAR into a BOMB!
A powder explosive was sewn into the crotch of his [“girlie looking” according to my DH] garment [the comments on this link are priceless]…the detonator to which apparently didn’t work very well. He ended up catching the blanket on fire and parts of his clothing…in the process sustaining some burns that required a short hospital stay.
Of course, since we call Richard Reid [who used the same powder in his tennis shoe for his device] the “Shoe Bomber”, it stands to reason that this guy will forevermore be known as “The Underwear Bomber”.
This annoys my husband to no end.
“Anyone who tries to blow up a plane by first blowing up his crotch needs a stupider name than that.”
“You don’t think ‘the Underwear Bomber‘ is stupid enough?”
“I don’t think ‘the Underwear Bomber‘ is going to garner a lot of respect in prison.”
“Maybe not, but they need to call him something else.”
“Like ‘the idiot who tried to blow up his junk‘…”
“Really? That’s awesome, honey…”
“Shut up. Maybe ‘Roasted Nuts‘ or ‘Blistered Balls‘…?”
“That’s um, more festive…works for me…”
“I got it. ‘Toasted Junk‘.”
Thanks, Farouk, you dumbass. Now I gotta hear about your junk 24/7 on every news broadcast…and probably get MY fat old lady junk blown up on some big screen full body scan next time I fly. Very nice. I hate terrorists. Why don’t you all go practice blowing up your junk in the desert. I wish you much success.