Then spring came. We knew we would not have time or money to travel this year, again…so we decided to bring the vacation to us. We’re spending a lot of time fixing the backyard up so it looks sort of tropical. Banana trees, flowers, reed fencing. We planted something called “Hyacinth Bean“, which is a vine, and has huge heart shaped leaves. Really pretty…but Steve started noticing little holes in the leaves…then they appeared in the Canna lillies.
I asked my very smart friend Zoe…cuz she knows everything about everything. Seriously. She remembered reading something on Mir’s blog about something similar. Well, I pink puffy heart Mir, cuz she makes me LOL for real, even about stuff that makes me want to hurl.
So, I sing Hallelujah…not really, cuz even God doesn’t want to hear that…but in my head, angels were singing.
I tell the DH,
“I know what’s making holes in the plants.”
“There are no slugs out there. There are NO slugs. They leave shiny slime paths. I have seen no paths.”
“Yup. Mir said so. We’re gonna kill ‘em with beer.”
“I’ma get some little containers and some cheap beer and get ‘em drunk. They can’t swim. I think cuz they have no arms. Anyway. So. Then they drown.”
“All you’re gonna do is waste beer.”
“But, it’ll be cheap beer.”
“Still. A waste.”
“OK. Here’s the deal. If I’m wrong…you get to say so. Out loud. If I’m right…and I will be…you have to clean up the dead slugs.”
So last night I got little plastic containers at Lowe’s for 38 cents each. I forgot the cheap beer, but I had some MGD 64 which I figured is cheap enough. I put the little bowls in the areas of most leaf carnage and filled them up with beer. I heard DH sigh as I came back inside.
“It’s not gonna work, you know.”
“Nothing for you to clean up in the morning then, huh?”
I gotta tell you, there was NO way I was going out there in the night with a flashlight to check on them, cuz Mir’s description squicked me to my core. I did however, jump up and run out there as soon as I was awake enough to remember I was on a slug hunt. And?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?!? EW! EW! And freaking EW!
I handed DH the garbage can and a plastic fork. Then, I went in the house to figure out how to get the queeze outta my stomach.
So. Lessons learned:
1. Mir was right.
2. Zoe was right.
3. I was right.
4. Slugs are freaking gross…and stupid…and can’t swim…and they’re alcoholics.
Meanwhile, I think the DH has a cramp in his jaw, cuz he hasn’t said a word all morning. Hmmm.