Tag Archives: slugs

Yes, Virginia, there are slugs in the yard.

Well, we have been very domesticated this year.  We started just after the New Year, by redoing the fireplace…which led to redoing the whole family room.

Then spring came.  We knew we would not have time or money to travel this year, again…so we decided to bring the vacation to us.  We’re spending a lot of time fixing the backyard up so it looks sort of tropical.  Banana trees, flowers, reed fencing.  We planted something called “Hyacinth Bean“, which is a vine, and has huge heart shaped leaves.  Really pretty…but Steve started noticing little holes in the leaves…then they appeared in the Canna lillies.

I asked my very smart friend Zoe…cuz she knows everything about everything. Seriously.  She remembered reading something on Mir’s blog about something similar.  Well, I pink puffy heart Mir, cuz she makes me LOL for real, even about stuff that makes me want to hurl.

So, I sing Hallelujah…not really, cuz even God doesn’t want to hear that…but in my head, angels were singing.
I tell the DH,

“I know what’s making holes in the plants.”

“Yeah? What?”

“Slugs.”

“There are no slugs out there. There are NO slugs. They leave shiny slime paths. I have seen no paths.”

“Yup. Mir said so.  We’re gonna kill ‘em with beer.”

“Huh?”

“I’ma get some little containers and some cheap beer and get ‘em drunk. They can’t swim.  I think cuz they have no arms. Anyway. So. Then they drown.”

“All you’re gonna do is waste beer.”

“But, it’ll be cheap beer.”

“Still. A waste.”

“OK. Here’s the deal. If I’m wrong…you get to say so. Out loud.  If I’m right…and I will be…you have to clean up the dead slugs.”

So last night I got little plastic containers at Lowe’s for 38 cents each.  I forgot the cheap beer, but I had some MGD 64 which I figured is cheap enough.  I put the little bowls in the areas of most leaf carnage and filled them up with beer. I heard DH sigh as I came back inside.

“It’s not gonna work, you know.”

“Nothing for you to clean up in the morning then, huh?”

I gotta tell you, there was NO way I was going out there in the night with a flashlight to check on them, cuz Mir’s description squicked me to my core.  I did however, jump up and run out there as soon as I was awake enough to remember I was on a slug hunt.  And?

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?  EW! EW! And freaking EW!

I handed DH the garbage can and a plastic fork.  Then, I went in the house to figure out how to get the queeze outta my stomach.

So.  Lessons learned:

1. Mir was right.

2. Zoe was right.

3. I was right.

4. Slugs are freaking gross…and stupid…and can’t swim…and they’re alcoholics.

Meanwhile, I think the DH has a cramp in his jaw, cuz he hasn’t said a word all morning. Hmmm.